


I Love You Despite Myself

by emilydarling



Category: The Hunger Games
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-06-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 10:22:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1424959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilydarling/pseuds/emilydarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I ship Effie and Haymitch ;) Hopefully an ongoing story about their relationship and struggles, but does include other characters. SET WHILST KATNISS AND PEETA ARE IN THE ARENA FOR THE SECOND TIME!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Set my emotions free..

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS SET WHILST KATNISS AND PEETA ARE IN THE ARENA FOR THE SECOND TIME. My first fanfic, please give it a try ;)

Haymitch sat on the leather sofa in the apartment given to him by the 'generous' Capitol, drink in hand, his eyes had dark circles beneath them and his skin was slightly discoloured. His thoughts were only for how Peeta and Katniss had looked at him before they had left for the Games. Peeta's kind, strong smile and Katniss' impenetrable gaze; it was something that could never be unmasked, except perhaps by Peeta, he knew exactly how she was feeling, even when she didn't. But Haymitch had never really cared about anyone since he had returned from the arena, a victor. The only one out of 24 left alive; the thought was sickening. He lived in the too-big house that was now his and drank away the memories of blood and bared teeth, hoping that one day, he could end the living nightmare that was winning The Hunger Games. But after Katniss and Peeta had gone into the Games, one year ago, something had changed, he could see something inside the couple that, despite being suppressed for so many years, glowed brightly in their souls. The revolutionists called it 'hope' but Haymitch had seen too much to be so naive, hope was just a name for what happens when the dictators lost their grip for a while...

His sombre thoughts were broken by what could only be described as a woman dressed in what looked like the vomit of a clothes shop on acid. But the eyes, they were beautiful. And not the fake, illustrious and garish 'beautiful' that the Capitol seemed to relish in; another sickening thought, the idea that fancy clothes and fun parties can distract from the murder of children. No, the eyes were real, natural and stunning.

"Haymitch. I..I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do?" Effie was trying to help, anyone could see that. Although her heart, that was brought up and moulded by the lies and insanity of the Capitol, had been broken for the first time in her life. She too loved Peeta and Katniss, but she tried, as hard as she could, to make the situation survivable for the both of them, ironic really because the two children with their fire and their bread, would almost certainly die. Unless he could work a miracle.

"Effie, I really can't deal with you and your candy-coloured hair right now. They're gone, now let me drink in peace, I don't need a long speech about how we're a team and how you love them so much; because I cared for them too and I have no-one else left. So, go back to your 'delightful' friends and mahogany tables, if you don't, all the macaroons might be gone and so help us if you don't get to taste everything." Haymitch spat his words; they had a bitter aftertaste.

The look he was given by Effie, one of contempt mixed with pain mixed with confusion, could've broken his heart if it wasn't so rusty. He didn't want her to leave, he never really wanted her to leave, but she reminded him of the team, and even just the idea of the kids and their fate angered him so much he wanted to scream. Not only that, but now he would have to sit through Effie shouting at him for being ungrateful and rude, as if he listened to those lectures anyway. He was preparing to snooze for a couple of minutes, he knew the drill, and then something happened that he could never have expected.

"Please. Please, help me." Those eyes, the beautiful ones, had started to fill with water. Suddenly, nothing mattered but her expression; the stupid outfits and ridiculous hair vanished. "Don't even try to tell me that I'm unaware of what's happening to those magnificent children. Because I know. And so do you, so stop bullying me right now Haymitch Abernathy! I am trying to help, but all you do is sit there drinking!" The tears had spilled over now, streaking her make-up covered cheeks. It killed him to see her like this, he was so used to her normal, militarily scheduled and blissfully unaware facade. But he couldn't let anyone find out the real reason he was so rude towards her; he had to push what he was feeling away, it was safer that way.

"That's bullshit Effie! I get them sponsors and send them help in the arena! All you do is tell them to fake a smile for the cameras and give them loads of nonsense to read to please Snow!" Again, the words had a disgusting aftertaste and he felt ashamed of himself.

"How dare you?! You drunk, insufferable, insulting primate! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" She had run over to him. His drink flew across the room and she began to hit him with her tiny, ineffectual fists. Ordinarily, Haymitch would have jumped up and socked whoever it was in the face, but not her, never her… The fists started to slow down as Effie's shouts had turned into sobs and she sunk to the carpet in front of his crossed knees.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, I don't hate you. The Capitol has controlled you from the moment you were born, everyone who grows up here has the unintentional ignorance that Snow wants them to have. But you've realised haven't you? What happens in the Games and how it affects the Districts; you can feel their pain. Because Katniss and Peeta have been sent away, and you loved them like your own. It kills me too, everyday, so I drink to keep the pain at bay. But you just keep fighting, putting on a fake smile and hoping that one day, everything will turn out okay. You are strong, and I know you are incredible, but if I let anyone else know that, we will likely never see each other again." This time, no aftertaste. Just relief. And longing, to reach out for her, and to hold her in his arms and tell her that their friends will be fine. 

Effie must have sensed the latter because she slowly rose up and almost fell into the seat next to Haymitch, shaking and her face screwed up in pain. Her high heeled shoes had slipped off her feet somewhere between getting up and falling down again, she tucked her toes under her legs and collapsed into his arms, his rough hands brushing her arms, they made her feel slightly better. 

"Shhh..." Haymitch breathed into her hair, her crazy hair. "We can try. They might fight us and try to break us and kill our friends and ruin any kind of relationship we attempt to have with other people, but we will sure as hell try to help those kids. And they will change the world."

"Haymitch, truly? You truly believe they can do it?"

"Yes, yes I do. And in the meantime, we will do what we can. And I promise to never hurt you again, my love." At those last two words, Effie's enchanting eyes widened and looked up at Haymitch with all the hope, the very thing that he thought impossible, in the world, and he knew that she finally understood.


	2. Please dance with me darling

The next morning, Effie woke up with her legs half on, half off her bed. The sheets were screwed up and her wig had been taken off, her real light pink hair was hanging loosely at her shoulders. She sat up with a jolt. What had happened last night? The last she remembered was crying, and then the deep abyss of sleep. And Haymitch, crookedly beautiful Haymitch with his knowing smirk and gold waistcoat. She looked at the holographic calendar on her wall, she didn't need to get properly dressed until this evening, she was going to a huge party in the Capitol to try and get sponsors for Katniss and Peeta, their beloved children. Effie sighed as she looked through her closet, there was only one section for casual clothing, people in the Capitol rarely dressed down, so she grabbed a pair of pink sweatpants and a bright green t-shirt made of soft cotton. After she had changed, she tied up her hair in a loose bun and went to the bathroom to wash away the broken make-up from last night's sobbing.

Whilst she waited for the cold water to bring her to life again, Effie realised that something monumental had been said last night. Haymitch loved her. A rush of energy struck her body and she ran as fast as she could into the next room, the look that Haymitch gave her made the smile on her face grow wider and truer than it had ever been.

(Before Effie had woken up):

Haymitch stood in the corner of the room, he was been pouring water into a glass, to stave off any kind of hangover, although in truth he was used to drinking so much now that he didn't get hangovers anymore. He sat down and ran through everything he had said last night, the revelation, the love, the understanding. Effie hadn't said that she loved him, but the look in her eyes had spoken all the words he could've imagined. She had fallen asleep in his arms, and she was so beautiful, so peaceful. Haymitch stood up, smoothly and gently so he didn't wake her, and carefully lifted her light frame into his arms, feeling as though he would fight the world to keep her there. He carried her through the suite they were sharing to her room, and laid her down on the bed, he then removed her huge wig; that thing couldn't be comfortable to sleep in, and as he saw her real hair tumble down her face, he thought that she was at her most exquisite when she had none of that Capitol garbage on her, nothing but her natural gorgeousness. He kissed the top of her head and blanket over her small body and left quietly, with a smile that had no smirk in it, only fondness; thank god she couldn't see it. When he got back to the sofa, he saw his pyjamas strewn across the floor and decided it was probably best to put them on for the night, but he didn't make it back to his bedroom, falling asleep on the sofa after he had changed.

(Back to when Effie has run into the living room):

Her smile was blinding. And it lit Haymitch's soul on fire. She sprinted across the room, and flew into him. She kissed him as hard as she could, she kissed him until she was sure there would never be any doubt in his mind about her feelings for him, whether she spoke it aloud or not. At first he was taken aback, but slowly his lips relaxed and melted into hers, he moved away from the water jug and pulled them both to the window, so the light hit their faces and illuminated them as though their love had suddenly sparked and the flames were slowly working their way up the two combined bodies. Eventually, they had to part, out of breath and flushed.

"Well that was...new." Haymitch smiled softly. "It was enjoyable, incredibly so. But unexpected, do you remember last night?"

"Yes." She breathed. "And I remember what you said, thank you by the way. I must've been hysterical, oh I'm so embarrassed!" She was shaking her head now, as memories of herself crying and falling down came flooding back to her. Effie put her head against Haymitch's chest, it warm and his shirt was soft, and she felt safe; like nothing could hurt her as long as he was there to protect her.

"Hey, hey. Don't worry, it's okay, we all get sad sometimes." He pulled her closer into him and let his lips brush her hair. "And I want you to know that what I said last night was true, but I don't think I said it outright, so here we go." She looked up at him now, he gazed straight into her eyes, oh those eyes, and exhaled...

"Effie, I love you. More than anyone else in the world, I sometimes feel like I'm drowning when you aren't near me, and although you are insane, with your mad outfits and too-cheerful grin, you keep me afloat. You exasperate me, but if you didn't, you wouldn't be the woman I love, and I am at my best when you are keeping me in line, and I wish for nothing more than for you to be mine, and I to be yours, I love you Effie Trinket."

There was a small moment of silence between the two, but it was not awkward; it was one of those peaceful, relaxed silences where the whole world seems to be dozing off to sleep, and the only thing that matters are the people next to you. After a while, the woman with pink hair and a pixie face that Haymitch loved so much, broke it.

"Oh Haymitch! You frustrating, wonderful, magnificent man. I...I love you so much that, sometimes I can hardly breath." And with that, they were kissing again. Softer this time, knowing that they had time, and there were no unspoken words that had to be voiced, only the sweet taste of acknowledged love. Haymitch kissed Effie's jawline slowly before he made his way to her eyes and forehead, then back to her mouth. He could almost hear her purring, and then suddenly, a beautiful idea came to him.

"Wait! Dance with me?"

"Seriously? You dance?" Effie let out a giggle at the thought of her rough Haymitch dancing a waltz.

"Yes, I do. And I would be the happiest man in the world if you would join me." He walked over to the music player on the other side of the room and pressed play, he already knew what was on pause, he had been listening to it last night whilst drinking. It was a slow-ish blues number, with just the right amount of romance and a light beat that he knew Effie loved.

"Ooh, this is one of my absolute favourites darling!"

"I'm 'darling' now, am I?" He jumped over the sofa and grabbed her waist, spinning her around as she laughed; her laugh sounded like bells, high and singing. As the fast-paced intro of the song slowed, he took her little hands in his own and pulled her into the centre of the room and began to move to the rhythm that was coming out of the speakers. She matched his pace and stepped closer towards him, soon they were swaying and spinning in perfect harmony, their feet in constant, paired motion. Effie smiled at him, this was the best she had felt in a long time, and even as they got more and more tired, they didn't stop, not wanting to break the music of each other. But eventually, the playlist came to an end; so Haymitch hugged her close and spoke velvet words to her.

"Stay with me, for all time."

"I will, and we will be perfect.."


	3. I don't want to be away from you..

Now they had to go to the party, to do their jobs; to get Peeta and Katniss as many sponsors as they could, so they might have some hope of getting out alive...

Haymitch stood in front of the mirror, adjusting his tie. Everything felt too tight, it restrained him and he hated that. Plus he looked stupid in all the fancy clothing that was given to him by the Capitol, there were too many layers and fancy frills, mutton dressed as lamb was an appropriate phrase in this case. He frowned at his reflection before concluding that there was nothing that could make this evening enjoyable....Except maybe that. 

Effie walked in the room, fully dressed and ready to leave, she took one look at Haymitch and immediately walked over to him. As he mumbled something about why he hated going to parties, she untucked and then re-tucked, correctly this time, his shirt and took off his tie, picking a different, far more complimentary, one out of his closet and then knotted it neatly around his neck. She looked stunning, she had chosen to wear blue tonight, one of his favourite colours, with a light green wig atop her head. It was a fairly nice wig this time, not too big, and it looked radiant, shining against her peacock blue, layered dress that stopped at the knees. And there was a turquoise pendant hanging loosely around her thin neck, it made his fingers itch just to look at it. As she finished folding his collar down, he grabbed her fingers and kissed each one softly.

"Haymitch, stop it! You'll get glitter on your lips, and somehow I don't think that's a look that you want to be going for tonight." Effie let out a small laugh, his lips felt good, but she couldn't let him touch her face, it was covered in luminescent make-up, which looked very intense and if smudged, could take a long time to correct. But her lips were naked tonight, so she kissed him lightly on the nose, relishing in his reaction; she could turn him from a hard, rough man who didn't care about anything, to a blushing, stumbling-with-his-words man, with eyes for no one but her. 

"Ugh, I really hate going to these stupid parties! Why can't we just stay here tonight?" Haymitch grumbled, he was on the verge of whining, but he thought that might make him look pathetic. 

"Come on, we have to go and help the children! Katniss and Peeta are going to need all the help they can get! So let's go!" Effie put on a bright smile, took Haymitch's hand and pulled him out of the bedroom, into the living room.

"Okay sweetheart, calm down." He grinned knowingly at her. "We have to do our jobs, I know, and it feels like we have a duty to those kids now, if we don't help them, what use are we?" 

They left separately, despite acknowledging their love for each other, they knew that if anyone else found out about it, they would probably never see each other again. The Capitol, especially Snow, weren't fans of people from the Districts marrying their beloved Capitol-raised children. Effie left first, it was a lot more plausible that she would be early to an event than Haymitch, who rarely turned up on time and if he did, it was against his own will. After she had exited the suite, Haymitch felt quite lonely, he hated the fact that his love for someone couldn't be shown in public, it was the first time in years that he had cared about anyone and he wanted nothing more than to tell other people of his new-found happiness. After about 10 minutes of just milling around, looking for something to do, he decided it would be okay to leave; so he grabbed his new coat, blue to match Effie, something that everyone else would think was a coincidence but he had secretly bought it to please her, and closed the door quietly and walked down to where a train was waiting for him.


	4. Love me quietly..

As he grouchily sauntered through the golden gates that led to the huge party that was celebrating…oh he didn't even know anymore, people in the Capitol seemed to celebrate buying new shoes.. Haymitch couldn't help but think to himself how stunningly decorated the place was; endless strings of flowers drenched the surroundings in all types of colours, burnt oranges, royal blues, deep greens, bright pinks and blood reds. Everywhere seemed to glisten and shine, as though crystals had been embedded into the room, so everything in his line of sight would make the colours dance around each other.

"Haymitch! Delighted to see you here sir, is it the open bar or the stunning decor that entices you most?" Plutarch Heavensbee had slid over to him and spoke in his secretive but almost entrancing voice.

"Ahh, definitely the decor my friend" Said Haymitch, thinking that neither the alcohol or the flowers could match up to the real reason why he was suffering through tonight. Well, apart from getting sponsors for the kids.

"Ah well, the Capitol never skimp on parties. Especially when so many important people, such as you and I ,are attending. Anyway, must go, the beautiful fans of the Games must not be kept waiting, and they are all trying to figure out how to get me to spill all my secrets! Enjoy tonight!" Plutarch winked at Haymitch and swiftly left to talk to a group of women who were all wearing huge hats of various colours and sizes.

So, he decided just to observe the party for a little while, trying to figure out who it would be easiest to convince, about the whole 'star-crossed lovers' thing. Eventually he decided on a small group, two women and a man who was clearly not interested in going home with either of them, as he was eying a tall man in a gold jacket across the room. They looked like good targets, the kind of people who were very gullible and were in love with the idea of love, so two children in love but in awful circumstances would probably appeal to them. He made his way over, smiling as brightly as he could, and spent at least an hour with them, and by the end of it, he had nearly secured some bread and a spile for the Katniss and Peeta.

After a while, he could take no more of the smiling and sucking up to self-obsessed, garishly coloured Capitol residents. He slowly sauntered over to the bar, and whispered in the ear of a woman with green hair and a peacock-blue dress.

"One deal secured, Miss Trinket. Bread and a spile for our victors." His voice was slightly gravelly but his tone soft.

Effie turned to him and laughed with happiness, even just bread could help save her precious twosome. Getting a spile was a miracle, from the look of the arena, the jungle air would not be helpful for their dehydration, so she was very happy with Haymitch's deals of the night. 

"Would you like to dance, Mr Abernathy? I do believe it is customary to dance at least once, even if there is no one you wish to dance with." Even without looking at her, he could hear her smirking.

"Hmm, perhaps there might be one person I would like to dance with." He took her by the hand and they moved smoothly towards the ultra-violet dance floor. Her luminous make-up looked incredible in the light, her face shone and the purple ignited her beautiful eyes, and set the blue irises on fire. The ceiling above them became the night sky and they danced beneath the stars. Effie's dress twirled and spun, reminding Haymitch of Katniss in her first interview with Caesar, her feet moved in perfect rhythm and she was laughing her high, musical laugh. 

As the night wore on, they music became slower and the couples' hands became more tightly entwined. Haymitch felt his stomach flip over inside him, everything around him was Effie, her scent, her laugh, her eyes; they were fixed on him, as though nothing in the world could be more imperfectly perfect. But, out of the corner of his eye, something sent a chill through him: people were watching them. Heads were turned their way, people stared at the two of them, because who wouldn't? They were beautiful to look at. But people talk, and they gossip and create rumours, and although technically what they were about to deduce was true, Haymitch knew that no one else was supposed to know about his relationship with Effie. President Snow was already wary enough about the idea of a rebellion, he didn't want any more links between the Capitol and the Districts, let alone them falling in love.

He leant in and whispered to Effie. "We have to stop dancing. I don't want to but people are staring, they might figure something out." He gave her a sad smile and made a gesture that implied that he needed a drink. As he waled over to the bar, he tapped Plutarch Heavensbee on the shoulder and quietly asked him to dance with Effie; it looked too suspicious just abandoning her on the dance floor. Haymitch knew that Plutarch had already figured it out but though he could trust him with a secret, which he often did. Heavensbee raised his eyebrows but agreed, having a long and deep friendship with Haymitch he really didn't care who the ex-drunkard fell in love with, as long as he was happy. Haymitch sat down, hunched over and began to feel sad. He never wanted to leave Effie but, in public, he couldn't get too close without putting them both in danger..

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Across the room, sitting on a large throne-like chair, was President Snow. He had been watching the two for most of the evening. He didn't trust Haymitch Abernathy, after standing up to a peacekeeper in District 12, he had realised that the old Victor might have more in him than unhealthy amounts of alcohol. He had an odd courage about him, he would stand up to whatever got in his way to obtain what he wanted; he just needed something to fight for. And the green-haired, dainty-but-bossy woman he was dancing with, Effie Trinket, she was always and completely her own woman... Except when she was in his arms, she seemed utterly trusting of him, like he would never do anything to hurt her. And she would believe whatever he told her. That was dangerous thing. Faith. And if Haymitch could convince her to do something rash, then he could convince anyone in the Capitol. Plus, with his connection to Effie, he could reach so many more people, poison their minds with the idea of equality and friendship with the Districts, and then the fragile system he had created to work in his favour would crumble. They had to be stopped. Their spirit must be broken. A plan began to formulate in his head; oh what a way to murder the hope that was forming inside the two lovers….


	5. Where did my love go..?

Effie opened her eyes slowly. A bright light shone down on her, making her squint. After a few moments, the bleariness cleared and she saw where the light was coming from. A huge white lamp was pointed directly at her face, but the rest of the room was dimly lit, she couldn't make out much from her position on the table. Wait, why was she on a table? Effie noticed the long white table she had been placed on around about the same time she realised that her hands had been tied together with a rough piece of fabric.


End file.
